At the UN: Danon repels enemies who threaten Israel with dainty cucumber sandwiches
“Diplomatic terrorism I call it” ■ It certainly sounds like lethal terrorism that could bore us to death. After all, someone must protect us from the existential danger of criticising the Netanyahu family’s detachment and swinishness. Or as Israel’s ambassador to the UN, Danny Danon probably calls it, “ascetic terrorism”
By Yoana Gonen • Translated by Sol Salbe
Israel’s air defence systems may have failed yesterday to intercept the missile launched by the Houthis from Yemen, but rest assured that in at least one arena, Israeli citizens can feel completely safe: the UN front. There, the maned, ferocious “general” Danny Danon has been parachuted to repel the evil enemies threatening the peace of the nation with position papers and dainty cucumber sandwiches.
Danon, who returned about a month ago to his role as Israel’s ambassador to the UN, sat down yesterday for an interview with Shai Golden and Yaara Zered on Channel 14, under the unassuming title of The War of Israel’s Ambassador to the UN, Danny Danon. In a puzzling editorial decision, throughout the interview, Danon appeared on a split screen alongside videos showing Ambassador Danon at work — perhaps to provide viewers with Danon’s double layer of protection in Dolby Surround.
In a video call from the trenches in New York, Danon described the dreadful horrors he faces every day. “Diplomatic terrorism I call it,” he said, providing an example: “Let’s take the next week. Tomorrow in the Security Council on Israel issue, on Tuesday in the General Assembly a Palestinian resolution proposal… On Thursday, another Security Council debate.” It certainly sounds like lethal terrorism that could bore us to death.
But that’s how it is in Israel, where even properly attired diplomatic activity is labelled “terrorism” if it is linked to the Palestinians or the Occupation. And let’s not forget that there are also enemies from within, such as B’Tselem Executive Director Yuli Novak, who two weeks ago addressed the UN Security Council about the criminal conduct of the Israel government. “I’m not sure whether she’s mentally OK,” Danon diagnosed — displaying the dual talents of being a psychiatrist as well as an ambassador — and then compared Novak to the Judenrat, the Nazi-controlled Jewish Council. In the same breath, however, he said that he used it to prove to representatives of the world’s nations that Israel is indeed a democracy, because he asserted that in any other country in the Middle East the authorities would have arrested her for such a speech (over here people are only arrested for real crimes, such as placing flyers in a synagogue).
The whole interview was strange, embarrassing and seemed completely unrelated to the news reality. But Channel 14 exists to serve Benjamin Netanyahu’s interests, and only a few hours earlier it was reported that the same Netanyahu would take off next week for a speech at the UN — a news item that drew criticism following the prime minister’s decision to spend an entire week in a luxury hotel in New York during wartime. If so, what could be simpler than calling up a bombastic person lacking self-awareness such as Danon to make it clear to the public that this is a real front, an “ongoing battle” that helps the IDF “complete its mission”? “It’s good that that it is you who’s in this place at this time, you’re definitely doing a good job,” Golden flattered Danon at the end. After all, someone must protect us from the existential danger of criticising the Netanyahu family’s detachment and swinishness. Or as Danon probably calls it, “ascetic terrorism”.
