‘Come on, Let’s bomb The Hague’
Haaretz resident satirist doesn’t mince words
By B Michael • Translated by Sol Salbe
It seems that there is no other way: The Hague must be bombed. All the nests of all the judges nestling there must be wiped of the face of the earth.
After all, there is no longer any doubt that The Hague and its courts are the worst of the enemies of Israel and the Jewish people. They not only defame, incite and unleash their antisemitic instincts, but they also do the worst possible thing to us: they tell the truth about us. They literally chuck it in our faces! Who tells the truth at a person’s face like that? Where are the manners, where? Is this a proper mode of behaviour? Where is the consideration?
Such true abominations cannot be conquered without bombs. Therefore, it is necessary to bomb, and immediately. Both the International Court of Justice and the International Criminal Court.
We have already suffered two blows from their extended arm and there is no doubt that a third hit is on the way. The arrest warrants are almost printed. True, only for Bibi and Galant, but additional warrants — perhaps to Ben-Smot’ch, perhaps to the commander of the air force, perhaps to the heads of the Civil Administration — will not be too long in heading our way unless we act, and act quickly.
In the final analysis, it’s also a matter of tradition. After all, this is Israel’s way of doing things. It’s the Israelis way of dealing with any problem: a sharp blow (Zbang) with a naboot [a wooden truncheon, the word has been borrowed from Arabic], preferably aimed at the head. Whatever the problem: Border conflict, parking dispute, neighbours’ quarrel, political differences, religious debate, parliamentary debate, exchange of words, non-exchange of words, who was next in the queue, fighting in the emergency room, soccer match brawl, goal, it was a goal, no it wasn’t a goal — there’s one solution: the naboot.
It seems that apart from naboot, there is nothing in the Israeli toolbox. And rightly so. The naboot is much faster, easier, more satisfying and quite portable.
Landing a Naboot on The Hague obviously requires careful preparation. Let’s face it, this is a target about 3000 kilometres away from Israel, it’s even further than Yemen. Fortunately, we recently learned that it is permissible to kill a hundred innocent civilians if there is a chance that even one wanted person will be taken out. This, according to military morality experts, is acceptable collateral damage that does not require special attention, or, God forbid, any soul-searching.
And since the Hague has 33 international judges (18 in the Court of Justice and 15 in the Criminal Court), according to the above IDF calculation, the killing of 3300 Dutch citizens would certainly come within the framework of reasonable collateral damage. And really, what are 3300 dead Dutch gentiles compared to defending the State of Israel, and perhaps saving the entire Jewish people (and if anyone in Holland would dare to open their mouth and protest, we will immediately remind them of Anne Frank).
And when the operation comes to conclusion, Brigadier-General Danny Shofari [mouthpiece], the loyal publicist in their ironed uniform, will be able to announce to the excited crowd that the operation succeeded beyond expectations: “The judges were all duly blown up, all the targets were destroyed, including 37 concentrations of international law, dozens of precedents and also several articles of antisemitic international law,” he would proudly say, expounding: “The Dutch Ministry of Health, which is subordinate to the antisemitic Netherlands government, claims that only 1476 other people were killed in the attack. But it seems that most of them were terrorists who did not obey the leaflets issued by the air force, which ordered the population of The Hague to move west, east, north, south and back again.”
In a particularly solemn tone, Brigadier-General Shofari noted that the Jewish community in The Hague was safe and had not been harmed at all. He added: “Needless to say, our forces used only precise, surgical, low-calorie, gluten-free, organic munitions.”
